I am having the worst experience ever. I love my school and almost everything about it. The problem is the major I chose. I wanted to do nursing but since it’s so highly impacted, it’s so hard to transfer. If I don’t transfer, I can do the nursing program at PCC but that would add at least 2 more years to finish an Associate course. That’s a total of 4 years! But I wanted a BSN so add 2 more, 6 years! I tried considering other majors, but really, switching majors now will delay me about a year to get some type of bachelor’s degree. Besides, I don’t know what I want to do besides around the medical field. I’ve been having such a hard time and I don’t know what to do and I haven’t gotten a good night sleep because I’m so stressed out. I just really needed to vent. *sigh*

Because when it’s out of my hands, all I can do is turn to the Lord and pray and hope that tomorrow brings good news.

So this girl came out of the bathroom as I was passing by and she asked if I was Matt’s girlfriend. Random right? my initial thought was “Crap! What did I do?” I said yes hesitantly and she said that she was in Math Path with Matt and he always bragged about how smart I was. I told her I’m not that smart and he’s not the type to brag. She assured me he’s just proud of me. She also said he’s nice (: this made my day. Very random but I can’t even explain what I feel.

I’m the type that would be ready for whatever gets thrown in my way. I can adjust but I’d prefer my plan to go smoothly. Of course, that’s not the case and sometimes it scares me that life is so unpredictable and all I can do is keep my faith up. Lately, I have fallen in the “zone” where I go on frantic research as to what school I want to transfer to, what major I want, and if I can afford the school. It’s really been stressing me out but I can’t help but plan and think. I need insights. God please guide me.

01/19

• As usual, I was at school around 8 to study/do homework
• Remembered to buy scantron for my test that day so I went to the bookstore. I was bored and ended up buying three new .5 lead pencils. One purple that saves lead and 2 black ones just because I need wanted new pencils. 
• Walked back to the library to finish my study assignments and all. This Chem class is getting really annoying. I’ve been getting scores that doesn’t satisfy me. It’s the little things that gets me and these study assignments/ lab reports are like 2 and 5 points “/ so it’s more depressing to see such low #s. I did well on my unknowns though. 
• Instead of lab we took our Exam. Again, the little things that gets me.
• Had a good lunch with Matt.
• Lecture about Lewis Dot and the EDT and MG of atoms. (The balls and sticks diagram)
• Got a text from my mom that my aunt’s friend was looking for a Math tutor. So that’s my 2nd (: It was kind of funny because they called and asked for help for Math problems and I ended up going to their place because I started doing the Pythagorean Theorem and I figured that 4th grade math is easier than that. 
• Dinner with the Parentals (:
• Watched Chopped, O’Reilly, and parts of Hannity.
• Been on Tumblr and Facebook since I don’t have school tomorrow but I got loads of things to do. I hope I remember all!
• Just waiting for Matt to come home… Well his house of course. 
• Excited for tomorrow-ish? I was asked to help out in band tomorrow so I’ll be at ERHS tomorrow morning. Looking forward to torturing some flute players haha! I doubt it. I think I creep them out. Then lunch with people the tutoring. Busy! busy! busy! I like it (:

01/13

• Did the laundry early morning
• Dropped off the siblings at school. Went to band room for ol’ time sake.
• Got asked to help out the flute players. Made me think that I can be a private teacher one day. Possibilities. Maybe. Oh yeah and my nickname… “Myrtle the Great”. Nowhere near that name :/ makes me feel bad
• Went home to finish laundry
• Matt picked me up to pick up Uncle Ken and Alyssa
• Got dropped off at Pastor Mark’s place then waited for Matt
• Drove to Soup Plantation. First time there. I like it a lot (:
• After, went to San Gabriel for Half&Half. Fun drive. 
• Dropped Em to her car, Dropped sasa at her house then picked my sister up.
• Went home and Matt just waited till it was time to go to Church. Took me there 

01/14

• Church. Review for Revelation
• Modeled for Kuya Jason’s paper
• Stayed for Business meeting and dinner
• Gym night at GAA. I miss playing basketball but a lot of people were playing. Played badminton and sucked at it
• Headed to Em’s place for our sleepover (:
• Played Apples to Apples. Some fun game! Exchanged gifts. I love what I got (:
• Fell asleep after our game

01/15 

• Woke up around 10 haha.
• Cooked turkey bacon and pancakes.
• Watched Crazy Stupid Love. I <3 that movie. It’s so cute
• Matt made my day <3 with that one text haha (:
• Got home around 3 then got picked up by parentals to go to Citadel
• Didn’t buy anything at Citadel but it’s all good. I was tired
• Knocked out around 11ish

It’s been good. Sometimes, days are more challenging but I know it’s already been better than last year. 

This boy’s birthday! Bought him a cake (: went to shop for clothes and a pair of shoes (: I love him <3 happy birthday love!

Sucks that when you need someone… the person you want is never there :/

Wishing that I could confide with her because she understands and doesn’t judge but that’s nearly impossible because I never talk to her anyway. I tried and now I’m tired. I really can’t run to the same person I’ve been running to either… 

Just one. I need just one.

Test tomorrow and a Final on Thursday.

Midterm in two weeks. 

I got this

• It took me weeks to read one chapter. It’s just so freaking boring. I really don’t care about the information, honestly, I don’t think anyone does, unless they’re a socio major or something. I still have 3 chapters, 3 articles and 7 clips to finish in 4 days ):
• The closer you get to something you want, the harder you have to try. Sometimes, I don’t even know why I’m doing it. Ugh I want the A so bad, but it’s just freaking impossible at this point ),: I’m so close. 1 test and a final won’t cut it though. At least I got 100% on hw? Yeah that doesn’t mean a thing.
• Personal problems. Just have to happen at this moment in life ugh -_-x It doesn’t help at all. At least Matt’s just there whenever I need him <3
• Practically just stressing about everything. Finals coming up for my Math class, a midterm, ugh. This is not fun ): I need to focus, but I’m so out of it. What to do, what to do?

(via mickeyandminnie)